I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
