I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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