well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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