Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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