member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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