you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
