Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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