is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
