I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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