So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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