i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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