and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we're chasing vodka with high fives
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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