Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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