mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
