That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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