Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
