I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
