I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
