I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize