The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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