I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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