Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
