WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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