remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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