Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
