So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
