ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
