Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Randomize
