Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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