my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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