It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
