the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
