He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
