she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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