I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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