after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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