I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
