No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
