I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
