dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
