She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
