i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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