he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
