my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
