Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
