I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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