I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
