my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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