the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is the high leading the old right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
