she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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