He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
