My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
