Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
