omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
