Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
