jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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