yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
