I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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