So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
