Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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