Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
