We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
