new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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