If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
