If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
