I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
