It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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