Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
