I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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