What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
