Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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