I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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